The Lost

The next time I feel the urge to go hiking in the jungle, please hit me with a crowbar.

I am in the Ekuri Forest Reserve. My guide went for a Pee two hours ago and has not returned. I can’t find my way out; I can’t find my way back to the lodge; I am completely lost.

Abel Ogar. My guide. What could have happened to him.
Did he fall down and die after peeing? Or did he craftily run off and leave me in a lurch after paying him the full amount? Either way he’s gone and it doesn’t seem like he’s coming back.
I met him at Atimbo Palm wine Joint in Calabar. He was the noisiest drinker in the place annoying all the other customers. The bar-owner was about to throw Abel out, thundering about how he was giving Ekuri Youths a bad name.
I felt that tingling sensation when I heard Ekuri. The Ekuri Forest is world famous and being an ambitious day-hiker (I have day-hiked in the Appalachian Trail and the Yosemite National park and the Grand Canyon); I was dying to add a tour of Ekuri Forest to my hiking accomplishments.
So I approached Abel and asked if he could take me on a tour of the forest. We bargained and settled on a price. I immediately paid him and we set off. Twenty minutes into the hike he said he had to go and do a number 1. That was two hours ago.

With my water-bottle being my only companion, I continue walking. My cell-phone battery is completely flat- a consequence of having used it all Night to chat. Poring over my fate, I remember that gorillas live in this jungle too.
Alarming thought: What if a gorilla should see me and slap me!
What would I tell people? I can hear them now: the spoiled brat of a Nigerian-American mistaking Nigeria for the US and going hiking where no sane person would dare. Oh they talk. And laugh.

I can hear running water. I rush to see if there is someone nearby.
Now I am sitting on the ground, stunned, for I am gazing at the most beautiful sight ever- a waterfall. This is undoubtedly The Kwa Falls. I have seen it many times before in photographs but seeing it now in real life: awe-inspiring.
Wow. I must have walked right into the Cross River National Park. I heard it was next door to the Ekuri Forest.

Sitting here contentedly watching the sight, Night approaches but I am not going anywhere. No use in getting more lost. I shall stay here and in the Morning locate a park ranger. If Katy Perry can survive a jungle stay in her Roar video, I can certainly survive a Night. Surrounded by the sounds of water and birds, I don’t know when I fall asleep.

I am awoken by a punch on my knees. I sit up and see ten pairs of the fiercest black eyes staring at me.
Although it’s dark I can still make out the forms of five gorillas. 5 GORILLAS! The one closest to me, presumably the one who gave me a punch, pats my head.
It seems it wants to play, so I speak all the Gorilla language I know courtesy of the movie: ‘Gorillas in the mist’.
“Guuummmm”
“Mmmmm”
“Moooooo”
He seems to like that because he laughs and sticks him tongue out.
I want to impress him further so I do my Gorilla dance.
That must have turned him off because he grunts, gives me a push and runs off, followed by the others.

I am disappointed. I was already enjoying bonding with the little guys. Maybe they’ll pass my spot on the way back; I’m staying up for them.

I smell fish. I quickly open my eyes and see a man- most likely a fisherman.
“I heard snoring and I came to investigate” he said.
I blushed on hearing I snore.
I recount my dilemma to him.
“Abel Ogar!” he spits, “He is a drunkard and lunatic who now doubles as town drummer when he saw being a madman and a Drunk wasn’t paying him. It was tricks like this that made us tie him to a tree while throwing buckets of iced water at him”.
“You are lucky I came early this Morning to catch shrimps. Make I do my business and I go take you go lodge” he says comfortingly.
As we approached, who did I see sitting by the logde but my lunatic friend Abel; eyes closed; drumming away; with a gourd of palmwine by his side.
Sensing our presence he opens his eyes. He gawks at me and the fisherman.   Then he bolts.